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  1. Factoidz
  2. Random Eruptionz
  3. Shite List
  4. Helpful Hintz
  5. Hot Sauce
  6. Drunkz
  7. Drinkz
  8. Laffz
  9. Knuckleheadz
  10. Sportz Quotz
  11. Neglected Wordz
  12. Sensitivity Index
  13. Nounz You Can Use As Verbz
  14. How They Get You
  15. Dispronunciationz
  16. Linkz


IckyJoey Factoidz


Random Eruptionz (IckyJoey may be afflicted with Tourettes)


Shite List


Helpful Hintz


Top 10 Hot Sauce Namez


Favorite Drunkz


Favorite Drinkz


Best Laffz


Knuckleheadz

Knucklehead: An endearing, simple, harmless lug; usually large in stature and menacing only on first impression.



Sportz Quotez

Yogi Berra
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Frank Broyles, college football coach
Our strength is that we don't have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we don't have any real strengths.
Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.
The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
Mike Ditka
Only cowards and losers live in the past
Lefty Gomez
I'm throwing twice as hard as I ever did. It's just not getting there as fast.
Ron Kanehl
Baseball is a lot like life. The line drives are caught, the squibbers go for base hits. It's an unfair game.
Jason Kidd, upon being drafted by the Dallas Mavericks
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
John Kruk
I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player.
Alan Minter, Boxer
Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.
Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.
Refrigerator Perry on the David Letterman show
I have eight brothers and sisters including myself.

Island of Neglected Wordz

Note: This list would not be possible without considerable help from Rahul.

Neglected Word/Phrase More Popular Counterpart
Somewhatstitious Superstitious
The Bad Samaritan The Good Samaritan
Gruntled Disgruntled
Embowel Disembowel
Cockmeek Cocksure
Cognize Recognize
Ebriated Inebriated
Vincible Invincible
Clement Inclement
Cruit Recruit
Pro-social Anti-social
Canny Uncanny
Plenish Replenish
Furbish Refurbish
Out-of-whack Within whack
Longs Shorts (pants)
Sheveled Disheveled
Nomer Misnomer
Peccable Impeccable
Advertantly Inadvertantly
Habilitate Rehabilitate
Funct Defunct
Combobulated Discombobulated
Sickness club Health club
With all the frills No frills
The Fake McCoy The Real McCoy
Badbye Goodbye
Remasculate Emasculate
Realpoo Shampoo


Sensitivity Index

A Little Too Jerky Approved by the P.C. Police
midget/dwarf little person
crippled differently-abled
retarded special
old fogey senior citizen
secretary administrative assistant
garbageman waste engineer
temp consultant
bus boy dining room attendant
rent-a-cop security officer
ticket broker scalper
wetback guest worker
drunk recovering alcoholic
drunk over-served
used previously-driven/previously-owned
unemployed between jobs
bum street person
beggar Street Wise salesman
waif-like bulemic
short vertically challenged
fat full-figured/big-boned/Rubenesque/metabolically-challenged
whore escort
stripper bachelor party specialist/exotic dancer
titty bar gentleman's club
bastard love child


Nounz You Can Use As Verbz

Verb Example
E-Mail "I e-mailed him yesterday and asked him to fax me ASAP."
Beer "Beer me quick-like or I'll die of thirst."
Jones "I'm jonesing for a slider. Jeeves: to White Castle and step on it!"
Monkey "I was planning to monkey with his feelings but decided it would be more mature to ape his behavior and parrot his every word."
Table "That topic was tabled while you were touching base with Stephen."
Weasel "He weaseled his way out of contributing pizza money even though he pigged out more than anyone else."
Stomach "Tommy, I can't stomach your juvenile demeanor and scatalogical comments--not to mention all the fart jokes."
Eighty-six "We eighty-sixed him after he yelled "Wet nurse!" at the cocktail waitress for the eighty-fifth time."
Bogart "Don't bogart that clove cigarette, my friend."
Ax "He was axed from his job. They axed him to leave."
Knee Cap "I'll knee cap those bastids if they screw up just one more time."
Elbow "At the Bulls pre-season fan convention, I accidentally elbowed Bill Cartwright in the oysters."
Verb "Today I verbed more than eleven nouns."
Rim (example neither available nor appropriate)


How They Get You

The Enticement The Burn
"2 for 1" sales Double the amount of an item you don't want
$20 all-you-can-drink special from 6:00 to 9:00 in a bar's party room A harsh reminder of how much you hate well drinks and bad beer
Free internet e-mail service Innundation with advertising banners that grind performance to a sickening halt
12 CDs for a penny with a commitment to buy only one at the regular price Shipping and handling=$4.00 per disc
Haggle-free car pricing Non-haggler pays $1000 more than the average haggler
Free workout as guest of a health club member The hard-sell from a Ken doll
Value meals at McDonalds and Burger King The food sucks mud
$1 coupon for national brand After discount, the national brand is still 50 cents more than the store brand which is usually the same product with a different label
Free trial membership to a pay-for-content web site Congratulations. You have just been added to three skrillion mailing lists
Mail-in coupon rebate If you remember to save the UPC label and the original receipt, you decide against using a 5 cent envelope and a 33 cent stamp to get a 50 cent check that may expire before you have a chance to take it to the bank.
Best price guarantees You are not cheapskate enough to find your two week old receipt, head to Best Buy, wait in the Customer Service queue and ask for the $5 rebate you are entitled to now that the item is on sale at Circuit City
Free trial newspaper or magazine subscription You are billed when you forget to cancel at the end of the trial period
Free drinks for casino players I don't have to explain this one, do I?


Dispronunciationz and bad grammah

Said Meant to say
Aks Ask
Febuary February
Worsh Wash
Melk Milk
Supposably Supposedly
For all intensive purposes For all intents and purposes
doesn't jive with doesn't jibe with
was the brunt of the joke bore the brunt of the joke OR was the butt of the joke
MacDonalds McDonalds
Jewels Jewel
Sox Park Comiskey Park
Soldiers Field Soldier Field
Less then Less than
Mute Moot
It never seems to amaze me It never ceases to amaze me


Favorite Web Sitez

Storez/Shopping

Comedy

Other People's "Best Of" Listz

Bi'ness

Art

Whatever Else

Spurtz

(see Muzak Wonderland for muzak linkz and The Idiot Box for TV and film linkz)


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Last Updated: June 2011
E-Mail: ickyjoey@lycos.com
© copyright 2006 IckyJoey .