I yelled to my speakerphone
asking my psychiatrist to look
at the web-cam image on my home page.
"Fetal position, huh?
Pull your knees closer to your chest,
tuck in your chin and grind your teeth
or the web-vultures will flock to
a crazier person's page
and you'll lose even more advertisers."
"Since you've been a loyal customer
I'll give you a free Gold Service tip:
suck an alka-seltzer and let the foam
dribble down the side of your face.
That always generates additional clickthrough."