IckyJoey's Tribute to the Idiot Box

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TV Hall of Fame

Cartoons

Beavis and Butthead
The Simpsons (link to related page)
Cartoon Town/Gigglesnort Hotel (link to related page) (Zonny's memories)
Family Guy (link to related page)
The Itchy and Scratchy Show (link to related page)
Tippy Turtle
The Completely Mental Misadventures of Ed Grimley (link to related page)
Pee Wee's Playhouse
The Tick
H.R. Pufnstuf
The Ed Grimley Show

Peopled Shows

Green Acres (link to related page)
Get Smart (link to related page)
The Young Ones (link to related page) (another related page)
Bottom - Rik and Ade from the Young Ones do a show that often seems a surreal take on Stooges
Seinfeld (No link provided. You can sift through the skrillion sites yerself, jerky.)
Melrose Place (link to related page)
Kolchak the Nightstalker (link to related page)
Twin Peaks (link to related page)
Get A Life (link to related page)
The Gong Show
Vengeance Unlimited
Rockford Files (link to related page)
Moonlighting (link to related page)
Cheers
The White Shadow
Fawlty Towers
All in the Family
Bob Newhart Show
Larry Sanders Show
Alexei Sayle's Stuff

Favorite F ilmz

Cult/Bizarro/Sicko/ArtDamage

Being John Malkovich
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
Blue Velvet
Crazy Love
Desire and Hell at Sunset Motel
Edie in Ciao! Manhattan
Eraserhead (link to related page)
Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend
Evil Dead II
Frankenhooker
Glen or Glenda
The Hitler Tapes
Henry Fool
Man Bites Dog
Naked Lunch
The Ruling Class
Showgirls
Street Trash
Welcome to the Dollhouse

Drinking

Barfly ***** (link to related page)
Breakfast at Tiffany's
Burnzy's Last Call
California Split
The Fourth Man
Shakes the Clown ***** (link to related page)
Suburbia
The Swimmer
Tales of Ordinary Madness
Tough Guys Don't Dance
Under the Volcano
The Verdict
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Luis Bunuel

Un Chien Andalou
The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie
Exterminating Angel *****
The Phantom of Liberty
That Obscure Object of Desire

Alex Cox

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Repo Man ***** (link to related page)
Sid and Nancy
Three Businessmen
The Winner

Stanley Kubrick (link to related page)

A Clockwork Orange
Dr. Strangelove
Full Metal Jacket
Lolita
The Shining

John Waters

Desperate Living
Female Trouble
Pink Flamingos ***** (heartwarming story)
Polyester *****
Serial Mom
Pecker
Cry Baby
Hairspray

Biographical

American Movie
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
The Charles Bukowski Tapes (link to related page)
Crumb
Ed Wood *****
I Shot Andy Warhol
Raging Bull

Rock Flicks

American Hardcore
Betty Blowtorch and her Adventures
Devil and Daniel Johnston *****
Bob Dylan: No Direction Home
Gimme Shelter *****
Half Japanese: The Band That Would Be King
Hated: G.G. Allin and the Murder Junkies
Love: Forever Changes Concert
New York Doll
Nico Icon
Gram Parsons: Fallen Angel
Plaster Caster
Iggy Pop: Live in San Francisco
Quadrophenia
Lou Reed: Rock and Roll Heart
Sex Pistols: Great Rock and Roll Swindle
This is Spinal Tap
Townes Van Zandt: Be Here To Love Me
Who: The Kids are Alright
Wilco: I Am Trying to Break Your Heart

Comedy

Airplane
Austin Powers
Back to School
Best in Show
The Big Picture
Billy Madison
Blazing Saddles
Caddyshack
Defending Your Life
Diner
Dumb and Dumber
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Fletch
Guest Hotel Paradiso
Heathers
The Jerk *****
The Lonely Guy
Lost In America
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Monty Python's Meaning of Life
My Breakfast with Blassie (link to related page)
Naked Gun
Night Shift
Nutty Professor
The Producers *****
Raising Arizona
Slap Shot
Tapeheads
There's Something About Mary
To Be Or Not To Be
Young Frankenstein
Waiting for Guffman

Seasonal

A Christmas Story *****
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
It's A Wonderful Life
Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Film Noir

The Big Sleep
Chinatown
Five Minutes to Live (starring Johnny Cash!)
L.A. Confidential
Maltese Falcon
Miami Blues
Murder, My Sweet
Woman Chaser *****

Other

Apocalypse Now
Army of Darkness
Big Lebowski
Dogma
Easy Rider
Ghost World
Glengarry Glen Ross *****
Human Stain
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Pulp Fiction
Reservoir Dogs
Sling Blade
Snatch
True Romance
Wonder Boys
Wrestler *****

10 Best Vegas Films

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Leaving Las Vegas
Showgirls
Lost in America
The Hangover
The Winner
Casino
Swingers
Rat Pack
Bugsy

Catch Phrazez

Where's the Beef?
Sit on it, nerd
Up your nose with a rubber hose
And loving it
I didn't do it
Dy-no-mite!
Missed it by that much
Wassaaaaap!
And I would've gotten away with it if not for you meddling kids
Yeah, huh?
Ogely-Dogely Beagly Beagly
I've fallen and I can't get up
I will NOT pay alot for this muffler!
Your chocolate is in my peanut butter
Hey good lookin, we'll be back to pick you up later
Remarkable
Yabba Dabba Doo
I want to go to there

Quotez

Bluto / Animal House: My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Bluto / Animal House: Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Dean Wormer / Animal House: Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
Thornton Melon / Back to School: Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out. Then bring one every ten.
Henry / Barfly: I just thought we had a little something going. I guess it was just green corn.
Henry / Barfly: Hatred: the only thing that lasts.
Henry and Tully / Barfly: Tully: Why don't you stop drinking? Anybody can be a drunk.; Henry: Anybody can be a non-drunk. It takes special talent to be a drunk.
Henry and Wanda / Barfly: Wanda: I can't stand people, I hate them. Do you hate them?; Henry: No, but I seem to feel better when they're not around.
Beavis / Beavis and Butthed: I hate stuff that sucks.
Butthead / Beavis and Butthed: Careers suck. They make you work and stuff.
Principal / Billy Madison: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Ty and Judge Smails / Caddyshack: Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. Why, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.; Ty: Don't sell yourself short judge, you're a tremendous slouch.
Charlie Walters / California Split: Put that guy in a horrorshow!
Woody and Norm / Cheers: Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?; Norm: Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver.
Woody and Norm / Cheers: Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?; Norm: See you later, Vera, I'll be at Cheers.
Sam and Norm / Cheers: Sam: How's it going, Mr. Peterson?; Norm: It's a dog eat dog world, Sammy, and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear!
Norm / Cheers: Women. Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts.
Effeminate kid with goggles / A Christmas Story: I like the Wizard of Oz...I like the Tin Man
Muffy / Desperate Living: I'm so hungry I could eat cancer.
Lloyd Christmas / Dumb and Dumber: I can't believe it! We've got no food, we've got no water and our pet's heads are falling off!
Harry Dunne (after Lloyd trades the van for a moped) / Dumb and Dumber: Just when I thought you couldn't do anything dumber, you do something like this... and completely redeem yourself!
Ed Wood / Ed Wood: Didn't you ever hear of suspension of disbelief?
Chris and Gus / Get A Life: Chris: Gus, it was horrible. I was in a bar. Ow oh. And they got mad. And I got hit. And there were fists and there were wigs. And.....I think those....jacks are giving me indigestion.; Gus: They made you eat jacks?; Chris: No....but they're in me.
Ghostbusters: Ray: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.; Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!; Mayor: Is this true?; Peter: Yes, it's true. This man has no dick.
Grandma and Nurse / Happy Gilmore: Grandma: Could I trouble you for a glass of warm milk? It helps me get to sleep.; Nurse: You could trouble me for a warm glass of shut the hell up!
Shooter and Happy / Happy Gilmore: Shooter: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.; Happy: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?; Shooter: ...no...
David Howard, to ad man who pitched a jingle / Lost in America: Your song stunk, I hate your suit, and I can hurt you.
David Howard, to wife who lost the entire nest egg in Las Vegas / Lost in America: Don't use that word. It's off-limits to you. Only those in this house that understand "nest egg" may use it. And don't use any part of it either. Don't use "nest. Don't use "egg". If you're out in the forest, you can point and say "that bird lives in a round stick". And, for breakfast, you eat "things" over easy with toast.
Dr. Boris Gregor / Jailbait: You know, I had to perform a very difficult operation this morning... the victim of an automobile accident. You know that I had to remodel that patient's entire face? And it was strenuous and very, very complicated! Plastic surgery at times seems to me to be very, very complicated.
Dr. Hrfrfruhr / The Man With Two Brains: Into the mud, scum queen!
Teddy / Memento: It's beer o'clock, and I'm buying.
Bill / Night Shift: Wait a minute! Why don't they just mix the mayonnaise with the tuna in the can... HOLD THE PHONE! Why don't they just FEED the tuna fish mayonnaise! [speaks into tape recorder] Call Starkist!
Leonard / Night Shift: Oh that Barney Rubble. What an actor!
Globey / Pee Wee's Playhouse: Pee Wee! You're spinning my head too fast!
Quick Change: Cop1: Can you isolate that beep? It could be a horn.; Cop2: Sometimes clowns carry horns, don't they? Little rubber ones?; Cop3: Sometimes their noses are horns.
Bud / Repo Man: Ordinary people, I f!@#ing hate 'em.
Bud / Repo Man: I don't want no commies in my car. And no Christians either!
Bud / Repo Man: I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees.
Debbi and Duke / Repo Man: Debbi: Let's go do those crimes.; Duke: Yeah, let's get sushi and not pay.
J Frank / Repo Man: Radiation. Yes indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everyone its bad for you. Pernicious nonsense! Everyone can stand a hundred chest x-rays a year. They oughta have 'em too.
Miller / Repo Man: Suppose you're thinking about a plate of shrimp. Suddenly somebody'll say "plate" or "shrimp" or "plate of shrimp" --out of the blue. No explanation. No point in looking for one either. It's all part of a cosmic unconsciousness.
Miller / Repo Man: The more you drive the less intelligent you are.
Otto's Mom / Repo Man: Put it on a plate, son. You'll enjoy it more.
Plettschner / Repo Man: I'm Plettschner. Arnold Plettschner. Three times decorated in two world wars. I was killing people when you were still swimming around in your father's balls, you little scumbag. So never say "F!@# you" to me. Because you haven't earned the right yet.
Mr. Blonde / Reservoir Dogs: Are you gonna bark all day little doggie or are you gonna bite?
George / Seinfeld: The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli.
Puddy / Seinfeld: It feels like an Arby's night
Shakes / Shakes the Clown: Look kid. You're a loser. Your parents had to pay grown men to come and play with you today, because kids collectively, on a whole, think you suck.
Shakes / Shakes the Clown: (A) I'm not your pal. (B) If you ever, EVER speak to me again, I'll twist your head into a f!@#ing balloon animal.
Krusty the Clown / The Simpsons: Would it really be worth living in a world without television? I think the survivors would envy the dead.
Homer / The Simpsons: Homer, solemnly addressing a spilt beer: "You never had a chance to become my urine."
Detective Robert Thorn / Soylent Green: Soylent Green is people
Russell Ziskey / Stripes: We're not homosexual but we're willing to learn.
John Winger / Stripes: Convicted? No, never convicted.
Ox / Stripes: I went to this doctor. He told me I swallow a lot of aggression .. along with a lot of pizzas.
Randy and Tommy / Valley Girl: Tommy: Is this movie in 3-D?; Randy: No, but your face is!
Randy / Valley Girl: Well Peter-Piper-picked-a-pepper I guess I did!
Bozey Spool / Wild At Heart: My dog barks some. Mentally you picture my dog, but I have not told you the type of dog which I have. Perhaps you even picture Toto, from "The Wizard of Oz." But I warn you, my dog is always with me. WOOF!
Rick / Young Ones: Hands up: Who likes me?
Vyvyan, referring Rick's name tag "pRick"/ Young Ones: The "P" is silent, of course.
Rick / Young Ones: There's nothing poofy about a man wanting to love his fellow man -- only when they start touching each others' bottoms
Vyvyan and Mike / Young Ones: Vyvyan: What's a good thing for a hangover?; Mike: Drinking heavily the night before.
Vyvyan and Rick, playing Monopoly / Young Ones: Rick: Wouldn't it be amazing if all this Monopoly money was real?; Vyvyan: Rick, that is the single most predictable and boring thing that anyone could ever say whilst playing Monopoly.

This web site instructs you to run away screaming from edited-for-TV movies. However, there are a few exceptions to the almost inviolate "Pry open your wallet and rent it for 2 bux, penny squeezer" rule. Check out the following movies when their bludgeoned-for-TV versions are playing on network or UHF TV:

Watch CADDYSHACK for the infamous-due-to-silly-editing scene where Rodney exclaims: "Hey! Let's all take a shower!" instead of...well, you know.

Watch REPO MAN for the following quotes:

"Flip you, melon farmer."
"John Wayne was a freak you boys"

Watch REPO MAN for the following extras:

The Lorna Doones scene inexplicably ended up on the cutting room floor for the movie version of REPO MAN but was re-spliced into the TV version to fill the gaping maw left by the ruthless butcher job on so many other scenes.
In the unhacked movie, the sewer dropped out every time Bud (Harry Dean Stanton) opened his mouth. So, the editors could not simply and imperceptibly add a word here or cut a word there. Instead, they hired someone who did not sound like Harry Dean Stanton to read replacement sentences that were not in synchronization with Bud's lips. This is most laughably obvious in Bud's encounters with the Rodriguez Brothers.

Watch REPO MAN and ponder the following headscratchers:

Why was "Did someone PEE on the floor again?" changed to "Did someone PUKE on the floor again?"? Is the latter less likely to upset and scar our more sensitive viewers?
Why did someone attempt to clean up this film for TV? More time and money was probably spent on TV edits than in the original production of the film.