IckyJoey's Muzak Wunderland

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  1. Illnoiz Bandz
  2. (Fairly) New Releazez
  3. Albun List
  4. Hit List
  5. Hate List
  6. Rock Questionz Answered
  7. Quotez
  8. Lyricz
  9. Joot Box Muzak
  10. Stoopid CD Trix
  11. Cover Songz
  12. Booze Songz
  13. Elvis Songz
  14. Jesus Songz
  15. Vegas Songz
  16. Iggy Songz
  17. Muppet Songz
  18. Cowbell Songz
  19. Theremin Songz
  20. Clown Songz
  21. Halloween Songz
  22. Other Holiday Songz
  23. Spelling Songz
  24. Instrumental Songz
  25. Answering Machine Messagez
  26. Ripoffz
  27. Linkz

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Illnoiz Bandz


(Fairly) New Releazez

CDs worth a try since Y2K:


Favorite Albunz


Hit List


Hate List


Rock Questionz Answered

Should I stay or should I go?
Submitted by: The Clash on the "Combat Rock" album

 

Dear Clash,
You mention in your song that if you go "there will be trouble" but if you stay "it will be double". Because single trouble is only half as bad as double trouble, I strongly recommend that you get the hell out of there ASAP. If I were you, I'd pretend my ass was on fire and Lake Titicaca was accessible from a diving board on the back deck.

 

Why don't we do it in the road?
Submitted by: The Beatles on the "White Album"

 

Dear Beatles,
We are not doing it on the road because we cannot afford to get skid marks on our underwear. Sure, an extra pair of filters every so often is not all that expensive. But we like to do it often. Perpetually, really. Also, keep in mind that we're not bringing down the tall coin like y'all. Go ahead, guess how many #1 hits we've written.... try again.... nope, lower.... you're still too low.... I'll just tell you: zero.

 

Who put the Bomp in the Bomp, Bomp, Bomp?
Submitted by: Garry Mann

 

Dear Garry,
I'll hafta get back to you on this one. Because I was getting nowhere in my investigation, I hired a private dick. He's got a few strong leads and the boys in the lab are running DNA tests. We think the guy you're looking for is the same prick who put his peanut butter in my chocolate,, put the "ram in the rama lama ding dong", put the "bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop", ding dong ditched me last night and left a flaming bag of dog apples on my front porch.

 

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
Submitted by: The Carpenters in "Close to You"

 

Dear Carpenters,
I just had a great idea: You come here; I vomit in your mouth.

 

Who left Murph the Surf on my ceiling?
Submitted by: Iggy Pop in the song "Eggs On Plate"

 

Dear Mr. Pop,
You backup singers already answered this one. They distinctly said -- no, better yet, yelled -- "IIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGYYYYYYYYYY!". Get the corncobs or whatever (as referred in "Lust for Life") outta your ears, jackass.

 

Who are you?
Submitted by: The Who

 

Dear Who,
I'm Joe. I'm a Scorpio. I'm 5'7". My favorite color is green. I like to drink beer. I believe that children are the future. I'm a good boy. I'm crazy about Elvis. I love Jesus and America, too. If you want to know more about me, here's the link to my web page ______. It was nice meeting you. Have a very nice day, sirs.

 

Love,
Joe

Quotez

John Cale of the Velvet Underground
The reason we wore sunglasses onstage was because we couldn't stand the sight of the audience.
Mariah Carey
Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
Richard Hell's T-Shirt
Please Kill Me
Lead singer of the Hives during a 2002 concert @ the Metro in Chicago
"You love us and you can't help it!"
Billy Idol
Everybody got it wrong. I said I was into porn again, not born again.
Simon LeBon of Duran Duran on the topic of drinking
Every time you try to give up, it's somebody's birthday. It's always somebody's fucking birthday!
Lemmy of Motorhead
I was gonna hava a tattoo of a dick on my dick but bigger. But I couldn't stand the pain.
Lemmy of Motorhead
If we moved in next door, your lawn would die.
Marilyn Manson's dad
I'm the true god of fuck. I created the Anti-Christ.
Jim Morrison (of the Doors)
I'm just trying to get my kicks before this whole shithouse goes up in flames.
Ted Nugent
There's shit on this record that Mozart wishes he could have thought of.
Elvis Presley
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Twiggy Ramirez of Marilyn Manson
The thing about drugs is eventually you start feeling normal on them, so sometimes not to do them makes you feel more fucked up than to do them.
Lou Reed
My week beats your year
David Lee Roth of Van Halen
Is it possible to insure my dick?
Tabitha Soren on Bill Clinton's dream to play sax with Thelonious Monk
And who was the loneliest monk?
Britney Spears
Sundance is weird. The movies are weird. You actually have to think about them when you watch them.
Viv Savage of Spinal Tap
Have a good time all the time. That's my philosophy.
Gene Simmons of KISS
I'm sick of musicians saying "I don't care what you want to hear, I'm gonna play whatever I want 'cause I'm an artist." You're an artist? Paint my house, bitch!
Grace Slick of Jefferson Starship
Reporting I'm drunk is like saying there was a Tuesday last week.
Tom Waits
I don't have a drink problem -- except when I can't get one.
Tom Waits
You have to keep busy. After all, no dog's ever pissed on a moving car.
Tom Waits
I don't cut the ribbon at the opening of markets. I don't stand next to the mayor. Hit your baseball into my yard and you'll never see it again.

Lyricz

Bon Jovi / Wanted Dead or Alive
I've seen a million faces and I've rocked them all
Built to Spill / Made-Up Dreams
No one wants to hear what you dreamt about unless you dreamt about them
Cobra Verde / Conflict
Even machines have bad days
Crooked Fingers / The Rotting Strip
Boredom settling in and I can't take you sober
Cult of Sue Todd / Fuck the Gnome
I once had faint hopes of success but now the only thing I want is for my co-workers to shut up.
Danny and Dusty / Baby, We All Gotta Go Down
Wanna find my soul? Check out the 19th hole.
Howe Gelb / Wild Dog Waltz
I've lived me the life of a loner / Like a wild dog that won't take an owner / I've been growling at my own shadow / and howling at the pale moon
Handsome Family - Drunk by Noon
If my life lasted only one day / I'd still be drunk by noon
Karl Hendricks Trio / When Will the Goddamn Poor Wise Up?
When will the goddamn poor wise up and kill everyone in a suit?
Husker Du / These Important Years
Expectations only mean you really think you know / What's coming next, and you don't
Lesbianmaker / Take Me in Your Arms (Like Heroin)
This world is a suck-ass place / Its getting hard to even show my face
Menthol / Strange Living
Sometimes due to hardships in my life I've been driven to depend on the generosity of older alcoholic women
Midnight Oil / Read About It
The rich get richer, the poor get the picture
Modest Mouse / Blame It On the Tetons
Blame it on the web but the spider is your problem now
Modest Mouse / Doin' the Cockroach
You move your mouth / You shake your tongue / You vibrate my eardrums / You're saying words / But you know I'm not listening
Modest Mouse / Polar Opposites
I'm trying to drink away the part of the day that I can not sleep away
Mr. T Experience / Now That You Are Gone
After all is said and done, there's not much to do or to say
Nervous Return / Siberian Queer
Why you so uptight anyway? / Your mama never give love to baby?
Iggy Pop / I Felt the Luxury
I'm a practical American from the middle-west and I can piss on a grave while welcoming guests
Iggy Pop / Take Care of Me
International garbageman / I've decided that's what I am / I need somebody to pull me out / I'm shaking like crazy in my sauerkraut
John Prine / Sins of Memphisto
Grandpa's on the front lawn staring at a rake / wondering if his marriage was a terrible mistake
Public Image Limited / Hard Times
Dead dreams fly flags
Public Image Limited / Fishing
People who need people are the stupidest of people
Queers / Nothin' To Do
When I saw you with that duck / all I could say is "What the fuck?"
Replacements / Here Comes a Regular
A guy can work up a mean, mean thirst after a hard day of nothing much at all
Royal Trux / Dirty Headlines
You're so rank, you probably try to lick your own skank
Saints / Everything's Fine
When you look at life all you see is a dull reality / Wait until some clown on stage explains to you life's mysteries
Silver Jews / People
You can't change the feeling but you can change your feelings about the feeling in a second or two
Silver Jews / Horseleg Swastikas
I want to be like water if I can / cause water doesn't give a damn
Silver Jews / Trains Across the Sea
In 27 years I've drunk fifty thousand beers / and they all wash against me like the sea into a pier
Slovenly / liner notes for Highway to Hanno's
Everytime I see a beer light I think of Bukowski
Soft Boys / Dreams
I can't concentrate / on a world I hate
Barbara Streisand / Send in the Clowns
Don't you love farts?
Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments / Cheater's Heaven
Told my wife I was going out for a coupla beers, said I'd see her in a coupla years
Uncle Tupelo / Life Worth Livin'
A beer in each hand and a smile in between
Vandals / Anarchy Burger
America stands for freedom / but if you think you're free / try walking into a deli / and urinating on the cheese
X / Under the Big Black Sun
What I did on my vacation / for the last ten years / I took pictures of your town / plaid perfume on my breath / I mean I've been drinking scotch / while touring through your town
Zincs / New Thought
Life is long / What doesn't kill me / only makes me live longer

Maximize yer Joot Box $$$

Maximize yer entertainment simolean; play the longest songz on the joot box.

NOTE 1: If you ever see oblique line drawn across a song title when making yer selectionz, be assured that the song is crossed out only in name. It is still on the CD. Play it! Foil this feeble attempt at trickery! NOTE 2: I only list songs that (1) exceed six minutes, (2) can be found on joot boxes across the land and (3) are not by Led Zeppelin.

Song Artist Length Albun Track #
The End The Doors 11:35 The Doors 11
. . . The Best of the Doors 18
I Heard It Through the Grapevine Creedence Clearwater Revival 11:04 The Best of Creedence Clearwater Revival 11
. . . Creedence Clearwater Chronicle, Vol. 1 16
When the Music's Over The Doors 11:00 The Best of the Doors 10
Revolution 9 Beatles 8:34 White Album 12 (Disc 2)
Midnight Rambler Rolling Stones 8:23 Hot Rocks 6 (Disc 2)
L.A. Woman The Doors 7:49 L.A. Woman 5
. . . The Doors Greatest Hits 9
. . . The Best of the Doors 13
You Can't Always Get What You Want Rolling Stones 7:28 Hot Rocks 7 (Disc 2)
Can't You Hear Me Knocking Rolling Stones 7:14 Sticky Fingers 4
Riders on the Storm The Doors 7:14 L.A. Woman 10
. . . The Best of the Doors 14
Light My Fire The Doors 7:10 The Doors 6
. . . The Doors Greatest Hits 2
. . . The Best of the Doors 2
I'm Sick of You Iggy Pop 6:49 Nude and Rude: The Best of Iggy Pop 5
Sympathy for the Devil Rolling Stones 6:14 Hot Rocks 3 (Disc 2)
Like a Rolling Stone Bob Dylan 6:06 Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits 5

Stoopid CD Trix

The following is a list of CDs that have "hidden" material--the kind of stuff that Fs your CD player's Shuffle function. My web page deals just with my own CDs. More Stoopid CD Trix are listed at http://www.eeggs.com


Gold -- Ryan Adams
Track 14 has two minutes of silence following the song. Then, Ryan says "It's always gotta be a fucking train" before playing acoustic guitar behind the sound of an intermittent train whistle as the lead in to an extra song.
Congregation -- Afghan Whigs
This CD has an unlisted Track 12, featuring this sensible refrain: "Don't forget the alcohol, oooc baby."
House of the Rising Son of a Bitch -- Apocalypse Hoboken
Track 15 starts as a typical Apocalypse Hoboken song but then, at 1:45, evolves into a dream-like, guitar and keyboard drone. When the guitar cuts out at 5:25 the noize softens and continues until all hell breaks out at 13:41 -- cows start mooing, people start yelling and the-CD-player-is-drunk histrionics ensue. At 18:17 a song emerges from this sonic mess. It sounds like a not-too-distant relation of the Monday Night Football song as it kicks in with the lyric "Are you ready for the summer?"
Belle Stomp -- Arson Garden
The featured song on track 13 ends after a little more than four minutes. After over five minutes of silence, a short instrumental track rides out the end of this albun. But wait..there's more! After another volley of silence, at 16:44 there's a melange of laffings, la-la-las, and some spacey muzak.
Life Could Be a Dream -- Auntie Christ
At the end of the tenth song ya get 30 seconds of dead space. After that, the entire album is in one track. The fact that track 11 is only 26 minutes long demontrates that this is a "short ass" album.
Scotto El Blotto -- Bar Feeders
Unlisted track 17 starts with the sounds of silence. At 4:20, the band goes into a bluesy jam after telling us "one dollar eighty nine gets you a sweet ass bottle of wine". More silence from 8:35 to 11:30. Then, a 50's sex ed discussion about nocturnal emission.
Boo-Tay -- Bare Jr.
Track 14 is the last one listed. Tracks 15 - 36 are each 3 seconds in length with some noise becoming audible on track 25 and growing louder. Track 37 features an answering machine with someone being dumped hard by an extremely pissed off chick followed by a song about someone named "Pearl".
Root Down -- Beastie Boys
After the last song, "Something's Got to Give", there's a short period of silence, followed by a foreign language version of "So What'cha Want" used as a promo for an Israeli radio station.
Beavis and Butthead Experience (soundtrack)
After a rousing rendition of "I Got You Babe" with Cher, Butthead reprises "Come to Butthead", but this time with rapper Positive K giving the boys surprisingly sensible advice on women.
Mellow Gold -- Beck
After the end of the song track 12, 44 seconds of silence and almost two minutes of feedbacking electronic sounds.
Fifty Eggs -- Dan Bern
After the final listed track 12, track 13 starts in silence at -0:31. At 0:01, Dan sings a song about a girl named Suzanne.
We Did Not Know the Forest Spirit Made the Flowers Grow -- Black Lips
Track 10 seemingly ends at 2:16, but after 30 seconds of silence, big bass, finger-snapping, jivey, Twin-Peaks-meets-Metal-Machine-Music thang plays out for 6+ minutes.
Stick Your Neck Out -- Bollweevils
Track 12 seemingly ends near the three minute mark. At about 22:30 we get a brief bass and drum backed track with two people daring each other to cut off body parts.
there's nothing wrong with love -- Built to Spill
Uncredited track 13 is a bogus "sneak preview" of the next albun.
Fifth Dimension -- Byrds
Afer the last listed song and then one minute silence, we get one side of an extended radio interview with Roger McGuinn and David Crosby.
Notorious Byrd Brothers -- Byrds
Track 17 ends and after a minute of silence, we hear a promo for the album. After another minute of quiet, we get to eavesdrop on a recoding session where the drummer is savagely accused of and brayed at for playing badly and not trying. The producer tries to make peace, but probably pisses off Mike the drummer even more with his level-headed criticism.
Academy in Peril -- John Cale
Contains an unlisted ninth track.
Blacklisted -- Neko Case
Unlisted track14 has a reprise of "With Bees" followed by someone turning a dial and browsing the staticy AM radio band.
Camper Vanquities -- Camper Van Beethoven
Track 16, a re-make of Ringo's "Photograph", ends at 3:11 but the track continues until the silence is broken at 17:25 with one of their songs (I can't tell which one) played backwards. This is a good one to listen to while getting a sideways haircut.
Bee Line -- Peter Case
Unlisted track 11 is 30 seconds of silence followed by a remix of "Something's Coming".
Gospel Morning -- Chamber Strings
Last listed track 12 is "No More Songs". PSYCHE!. After 7:30 of silence at the start of track 13, "Baby It's You", "Telegram (Where's My Horn)", and "I Pray for Rain" follow.
Robbers & Cowards -- Cold War Kids
Done at 4:15 on Track 12? Nope. After a protracted period of silence, mo' muzak kicks in at 7:27. "Lord have mercy on me" is petitioned many times therein.
Hard Candy -- Counting Crows
Everything seems to be over 3:44 into Track 13. At 4:48, there's an extra song about the day "they paved paradise and put up a parking lot".
This Desert Life -- Counting Crows
The last song ends about 5 minutes into track 10. At 8:35, a re-enactment of Neil Armstrong walking the moon leads into an extra song about "cute things"(?)
Kerosene Hat -- Cracker
Although track 15 is the last listed track, Cracker starts to screw with you on track 12 which has 10 seconds of silence before the song slowly fades in. Tracks 13 and 14, which are listed as "No Songs", each consist of 4 seconds of silence. Following track 15, there are 54 tracks consisting of 3 seconds of silence. Then, track 69 starts with 3 seconds of silence before blossoming in to "Eurotrash Girl". The CD continues with more 3 second silent tracks until track 88 which sounds like "Belsen Was A Gas" by the Sex Pistols. A few more silent tracks lead up to track 99 which is a piss-take on the title song.
Gentleman's Blues -- Cracker
After last listed track 16, tracks 17 - 23 are short and silent except for the the sound of a touch tone phone dialing. Finally, we get to extra song "My Cinderella" on track 24, featuring a soulful woman singer.
I Become Small and Go -- Creeper Lagoon
The last listed song ends at 3:26. However, at 5:28 of the same track, you'll find bonus song "Claustrophobia".
The Crumbs - Crumbs
The music on track 13 ends at 2:25. After 5 minutes of silence, someone says "Come just a little bit closer....ahhhh, yes, just like that...I'm think I'm seeing a vision"
The Crumbs Get All Tangled Up - Crumbs
The music on track 8 ends at 2:39. But track 8 sprawls out with 20 minutes of a voice repeating "The power of Christ comples you". If you're on for the full ride, the band kicks back in and reprises two of the songs from tracks 1-7 sandwiched around one new song not heard on the CD.
Kelsey Grammer Loves Us - Cult of Sue Todd
Great street recording on unlisted track 15. The band, I guess, is set up to play on the sidewalk. They ask a homeless guy to rap on an album. The homeless guy says "No" and asks for money. The band starts playing a beat. The homeless guy insists that he can't rap and walks off after determining that he's not going to get Burger King money.
20 Years in the Can -- Steve Dahl
Disc 1's last track ends, seemingly, at 2:39. After about a minute of silence, Steve says "Well, you found the hidden track." For your troubles, you are treated to the song "Ayatollah" followed by the infamous "Islamic Fried Chicken" phone call to Iran.
Everybody Dies - Dramarama
Track 11 is 'spose to be the last track. Instead, after a blank Track 12, we get a short, alternate version of "Good Night America" on Track 13. Track 14 is a mysterious, atmospheric thriller. Tracks 15-22 are blanks. Track 23, on surface, is about a lad that "used to sing with a fiddle and accordian band, but ultimately seems to be an allegory about how Dramarama never fould success in the rock music world.
Hi-Fi Sci-Fi - Dramarama
The song list indicates that tracks 13-41 have been dubbed "Double Secret Bonus Tracks". Track 13 starts with a sound collage featuring a bunch of different musicians saying "Hey Grandpa". A ramshackle song, presumably named "Hey Grandpa" follows. After the song, we hear Mojo Nixon saying "Hey Grandpa" with many different inflections. But the trick is on us. All of these shenanigans take place on track 13 and the disc ends without advancing to track 14.
Bright Side - John Easdale
12 songs are listed on the CD. After song 11, tracks 12 - 22 are empty. Song 12, then, is on track 23.
Smoke - Drivin'n'Cryin
The last listed song ends at 3:58. At 4:44 a bluesy song with song kicks in with with quietly wanky guitars and the oft repeated line "you can't fall off a mountain".
Post-Nasal Drip -- English Softhearts
After the last listed song and a few minutes of silence, "What Is Pop?", a hokey rap song, starts at 4:36.
when shove goes back to push -- Fig Dish
After the album's 12 listed tracks, tracks 13 through 98 each have 4 seconds of silence. Then, track 99 contains a song about the neighbors downstairs who never sleep.
Hit to Death in the Future Head -- Flaming Lips
Track 11 is 28 minutes of an odd metronomic noise jumping from speaker-to-speaker on top a thunderstorm that's a-brewin' in the background.
Dookie -- Green Day
The last listed song ends at 2:47. The track continues in silence until, at 4:08, a song about being "all by myself" is sung by an odd voice that would befit a muppet that got kicked off of Sesame Street for being too weird and forlorn.
The Spaghetti Incident? -- Guns n' Roses
Unlisted track 13 is Charlie Manson's "Look at Your Game, Girl"
Motherscratcher -- Ed Hall
Track 10 ends as expected per the song list. Tracks 11-22 are each a few seconds of silence. Track 23 sounds has a drony/thunderstormy ambience that goes on for a good long time (23 minutes)
Music For Insect Minds -- Halo of Flies
The song menu stops at 26 but track 27 is a very tasty morsel.
Big As Life -- Hamell On Trial
Unlisted track 13 is a parody of or tribute to the Johnny Cash prison albums.
Stay Positive -- Hold Steady
11 is the last announced song. 12 has three bonus songs: "Ask Her For Adderall", "Cheyenne Sunrise", and "Two Handed Handshake".
Electra 2000 -- Hum
Track 9 seems to end at 5:40. But hang on there, padnuh: at 6:11 a keyboard chimes in with a quaint, old-timey instrumental like you might have heard at a skating rink in the 1940's or, more likely, may recognize as the intermission music used by Monty Python in their "Holy Grail" film.
Precession of Simulacra / Map Precedes the Territory -- J Church
Track 8 seems to end at 1:37 but picks up again at 6:33. Ya get fuzzy vocals, a slide guitar and lyrics about putting the dishes in the sink and leftovers in the fridge.
Broken Hearts and Auto Parts -- Kevn Kinney
Unlisted track 11 is a reprise of the title track.
Konk -- Kooks
Unlisted track 13 is a jolly good ballad.
The Hard Stuff - Wayne Kramer
After the 11 listed songs, we get a bunch of empty tracks that lead up to track 40, a spoken word tribute to Charles Bukwski with heavy bass/guitar/drums accompanyment.
Drowned and Dragged -- Leaving Trains
Unlisted track 6 is 10 seconds of the band working out the arrangements to unlisted track 7, a song (presumedly) called "Betsy" about an automobile that is "more than a car but less than a woman".
Smoke Follows Beauty -- Leaving Trains
Unlisted track 18 features the drummer's 2 year old son drumming along to a lazy bass riff before having a shril temper tantrum in which he warns everyone to "Go Away".
Emotional Legs -- Leaving Trains
The CD has 12 listed tracks. Track 13 starts at -1:36 with no noise until :00 when....well, I'll let the Leaving Trains explain in their own words as posted on their website:
13. KILLING FOR JESUS (the Circle Jerks): With Miss Koko on bass, Dennis on drums, and Melanie and James as usual. This is a different mix of a track submitted to a still-unreleased Circle Jerks tribute CD. We're still mad that Jerks guitarist Greg Hetson stole the music for "Live Fast, Die Young" (and also "Cover Band") from my friend Ken Salter's song "Civilization" when we were all in the high school punk band the Mongrels in the late '70s. Hetson's a thief who's had two decades to correct the error by adding Ken's name to the songwriting and publishing credits but still hasn't done so like he said he would. Despite all that, Circle Jerks singer Keith Morris is a good guy, a passionate rock fan and an always entertaining live presence, which was a good enough reason to donate our version of this song to the Jerks tribute CD. We chose "Killing for Jesus" partly because all of the better known, early Jerks songs were taken by other contributors, but also because I thought this rocked, with funny/true lyrics.
14. INVADERS OF THE HEART (Cheap Trick): All the instruments were played by Dennis and Andrew. Dennis sang lead and says the song was done in five minutes. People forget that just about every Cheap Trick album has at least some and usually a lotta great songs, and here's a textbook example.
15. NEW YORK IS GONE: An instrumental mix of the same song that appears earlier on the CD.
16. 10 GENERATIONS / CREEPING COASTLINE OF LIGHTS:/ SUE WANTS TO SLEEP: These are rehearsal versions of three old Leaving Trains tunes, secretly recorded by Andrew Buscher while the Trains' all-gal lineup (Maddog Karla, Miss Koko Puff, Melanie Vammen and Princess Falling James) practiced at Rufftone. The extended, trippy jam at the end of "Creeping Coastline of Lights" may be the album's musical highlight.
17. UNTITLED: An instrumental rocker that Melanie came up with; it'll probably be reincarnated with vocals on the next Trains album. Cool false start!
18. UNBOLTED: Another instrumental, a slab of unleashed anger.
Come On Feel the Lemonheads -- Lemonheads
After the last track and two minutes of silence, is a half-assed song about someone named Lenny. After more silence, at 7:50, are a few somewhat interesting sounds. At 11:30 they crucify a guitar. Finally, at 15:21 an unnaturally deep and satanic voice says "we're still on high speed edit (idiot?) mode" and the track ends.
Tell Balgeary, Balgury is Dead -- Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
Unannounced track 10 is almost four minutes of UFO sounds.
Lost in Translation soundtrack
Track 15 starts with "Just Like Honey". Eight minutes after the Jesus and Mary Chain is complete, we get an extra "treat": Bill Murray's karaoke version of "More Than This".
Amscray - Lynnard's Innards
After the last song and a minute of silence, we're "treated" to the ansering phone recording of a tough guy in a roid rage frenzy who promises to kick the asses of our beloved band. I'm not sure if it's funny or just plain scary.
Ridiculous -- Norm MacDonald
The CD cover lists #13 as "Hidden Track". Norm introduces it by saying he was convinced to include this "lame Star Search" bit only because it will be hidden.
Mean Everything to Nothing -- Manchester Orchestra
After track 11 ends in grandiose fashion and a few minutes of silence a slower song named "Jimmy He Whispers" caps things off.
Let's Cut the Crap and Hook Up Later On Tonight -- Marah
Unlisted Track 13 starts with the lyric "Just because I'm lazy, I'm not as dirty as your dog". The narrator in this banjo-slappin' bayou-stomper goes on to sing the praises of punk rock.
20,000 Streets Under the Sky -- Marah
The albun seems to end at 3:06 on track 11. At 3:41 -- however -- a short, instrumental reprise of "Going Through the Motions" is the actual albun closer.
Angels of Destruction -- Marah
The albun seems to end at 6:00 on track 11. At 6:22 -- however -- extra song "Tippecanoe County Correctional Theme Park Blues" tells the story of a night in an Indiana jail.
If You Didn't Laugh You'd Cry -- Marah
Unlisted track 12 is a solid song called "This Time".
Too High To Die -- Meat Puppets
The last listed track -- "Comin' Down" -- ends at 3:25. At 3:47, the hands go back inside the puppets for a bonus version of "Lake of Fire" (from the Meat Puppets II LP) which was recently covered by Nirvana.
Deserter's Songs -- Mercury Rev
Track 11 is the last listed song. Track 12 starts witth silence at -2:28. Goofy, hiccupy sounds gurgle and burp from -2:00 to 0:00. Track 12 continues with 4 seconds of silence and signs off at 0:04. A cunning stunt, indeed, Mercury Rev. I almost didn't find this one.
Yerself is Steam -- Mercury Rev
This albun has 8 listed songs. Tracks 9-83 are three second extensions of the last song. Tracks 84-98 are each three seconds of dead air. Track 99 is the albun's best song: "Car Wash Hair".
Let's All Go To Bed -- Mother Truckers
Extra song "Let's Stay Outside" is on hidden track 13.
Milk Milk Lemonade -- Mr. T Experience
This albun's last listed song ends at 4:00 on track 14. Five minutes of silence follows. Then, a voice recites the following in an unlisted track 15:"This is the human animal talking very much like a young and frightened bear cub would in calling for its mother. The sound was made by my two year old daughter when she was badly frightened by a sheep." Nope, we don't get to hear the sound.
Our Bodies Our Selves -- Mr. T Experience
This albun's last listed song ends at 1:08. Then, after about five minutes of silence, Dr. Frank starts singing a song called "Girl Scout" before breaking into a giggling fit. Finally, at about 7:35, Dr. Frank says "OK, I've regained my composure", and the band breaks into "Hey Don't Go Away Go Go Girl".
Travistan -- Travis Morrison
Lucky you. This CD has comes with unlisted track 14. Enjoy the freebie, you silly little freak!
Tomorrow Hit Today -- Mudhoney
The last listed song ends, as advertised, at 5:16. Then, after exactly two minutes of silence, the grungemeisters break into a song about being "haunted by the spectre of Randy Tate".
Information Highway Revisited -- New Bomb Turks
The last listed song ends at 2:59. Then, at 8:00 of the same track, the Bombers offer up an ultra-bloozy bonus track.
Escape From Noise -- Negativland
Track 18 ends the CD @ 00:37--not! At 1:40, the band chips in one more song.
Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind -- Neo-Futurists
Track 33, alleged to be the last, is used to promote the live show and to announce that there are extra tracks starting on track 36. Yup, more two minute plays bridging out to track 43.
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vegas -- New Duncan Imperials
Unlisted track 15 is a loungey, alternative version of track 8 "Sex Drive".
Nevermind -- Nirvana
Track 12--and the CD--presumedly ends at 3:45. However, after 10:06 of silence, the Kurdt, the future Foo Fighter, and other guy bash away at their instruments and make quite a roar.
Punk in Drublic -- NOFX
After the last track, one of the band members does some fairly good impersonations of celebrities such as Popeye, Speedy Gonzalez, Boo Boo Bear, Beavis, Butthead and Huckleberry Hound (who a band member refers to as "Blueberry Hound")
Wolves in Wolves' Clothing -- NOFX
Unlisted track 19 has two minutes of silence followed by eight minute of song writing/practicing on acoustic guitars.
so long and thanks for all the shoes -- NOFX
This albun's last listed song ends at 2:14. Then, after three minutes of silence, you hear a snippet recorded from the radio. The announcer says: "We now return to the Howard Stern Show" over a NOFX song leading back into program. Then, Howard states his extreme displeasure with the lead-in music, stating that the band should be called "NOTALENT". After this radio snippet, the band goes into a highly repetitive instrumental song which includes samples of Howard saying "NOTALENT". For those who stick it out to the bitter end of this long instrumental song are rewarded with a quick little song that says (in effect): "Wow. We didn't think anyone would listen all the way to the end of the CD."
Smash -- Offspring
After the titular closing song, several minutes of silence tick off. Slightly after the nine minute mark, you get a slower tempo, one minute instrumental featuring the snake-charmer riff from "Come Out and Play".
Oh No -- Ok Go
Extra track 14 starts with several minutes of silence. About four minutes in, we briefly hear rustling and a faint voice, as if someone is waking up in the guest bed room. Nah, they went back to sleep. At 13:42, footsteps in the stairwell. At 21:46. a "gonk" in the basement. I feel like Lius in the orchard, waiting for The Great Pumpkin. Where the hell's the extra song?... More gonks and footsteps at 33:00 and 34:40. Track ends with no ado. We've been had.
Human Soul - Graham Parker
Track 14 is a "slight return" of "Everything Goes" which ends abruptly after just about 10 seconds.
Buster's Happy Hour -- Buster Poindexter
The song on Track 17 goes to 3:39, then after a half minute of silence, the "You ain't nuthin' but a square" argument/tirade from the end of Track 15 is reignited and reprised.
Polara -- Polara
Track 13 is 10 minutes of some chick making a hiccuping/laughing sound.
Skull Ring -- Iggy Pop
The song on track Track 16 ends at 3:16. At 3:48 an extra song kicks in. Iggy rails against the music industry which, apparently, doesn't pay him and gives him "nervous exhaustion".
Slow Note from a Sinking Ship -- Portastatic
Unlisted Track 15 starts with 2:01 of silence. Shrill UFO noises start in followed by some synthesized keyboards and drums which make it a song rather than just random noises, I guess.
Haunted Head -- Kid Congo Powers and the Pink Monkeybirds
Track 12 is a dream-like instrumental, seemingly closing out the album at 3:40. However at 3:59 a doo-woppy dance song borrows the opening line to Monster Mash and describes a new dance Humpty Dumpty helped to invent.
Kludge -- Pujol
Track 11 has "Youniverse" and then field audio from fireworks show -- seemingly a great finale ending at 5:38. After a few seconds of silence, a bad, homemade birthday song follows. The explosion and weird outro sounds make it worth slogging through.
Punk Rock Confidential -- Queers
Song 15 ends and then, after a minute of silence, the unlisted title song is off to a blaring start with the following lyric: "This was a punk rock confidential, you stupid little shits listen up. Just a punk rock confidential, listen or I'll fuck your shit up."
Pablo Honey -- Radiohead
Extra track 13 is a clean (no f-word) version of "Creep".
Yes I Can -- Rats of Unusual Size
Unadvertised track 18 starts with the following mesage: "The anterior section of this CD has been added for your continued musical pleasure. Remember: this bonus material is not a part of the actual program. Track 19 is a song about big hair. Track 20 has a song about a rock van running out of gas followed by a second song which informs us that "Jesus was a Jew".
There's a Star Above the Manger -- Red Red Meat
Track 11 seems to end at 11:10 but, if you hold tight a few minutes, you get an earful of feedback starting up at 14:13.
Touch Me I'm Weird -- Reverend Norb
Unlisted track 11 starts with the proclamation" "Reverend Norb Delivers Value!". A quick reprise of album opener "Ubangi Stomp" is followed by a weird, acapella song about "Peggy Lee". To wrap things up, we're told that "Reverend Norb Delivers Value!" once more, followed by a few more "Ubangi Stomp" choruses.
Demo -- Saps
5 tracks are listed. The sixth track starts with the sound of static. After 2:50, a song emerges with the lyric "Rise and shine two beers for breakfast" and a chorus that pleads "Goddamn make love to me".
Human Cannonball -- School of Fish
Unlisted track 13 is a very beautiful instrumental song.
Kristin Shout and Smoking Kitten -- Thorny Devil
The last documented track ends at 6:21. After one minute of silence we get a mysterious one minute song about a guy who (I think) picked up a girl at a bar, drugged her, (not sure in which order on the first two) and left the room wearing her clothes.
Selling the Sizzle -- Smugglers
Hidden track 5 starts at -5:00. From 0:00 to 5:36, you get a one man re-enactment of the Little Red Riding Hood story. From 5:37 to 8:11 you hear a disco version of "Especially You", heard previously on the CD as a good bubblegum punk track. If you haven't had enuff, hang on for another discoey song with lots of synths and echos, a rap song and a few otehr goodies. Over 13 minutes of weird extras.
Rosie -- Smugglers
Hidden track 14 has 3 minutes of silence from -2:59 to 0:01. Then you hear a faux college radio DJ who first plays a weird loungy, keyboard and vocal only homage to Gloria Estefan that ends in a wash of electronic histrionics and follows it with a "Faraway Eyes"-sounding live song by a drunk band in front of a drunk crowd, a weird loungy, keyboard and vocal only cover of "In Cars"....and more. Over 14 minutes of weird extras.
Growing Up Smuggler -- Smugglers
Track 20 is a cover of the Dictator's "Stay With Me". After the song is over, the audience keeps clapping and the band eventually encores with "Your Mom's the Devil" (although it sounds like they're singing "Your Mom's a Gerbil")
Buddy Holly Convention -- Smugglers
The song on Track 5 ends, followed by a long period of blank space. Track 7 has a pastiche of songs, skits, and other oddities. The opening skit seems to be an ironic reading of dialog from a porno. The extras also include four songs, including an acoustic cover of "Leaving on a Jet Plane", disco-ish, Black Arabs styled versions of the Smuggler's "Cans of Love" and Eddie Murphy's "Party All the Time". The album ends with a British boy and girl telling corny jokes.
White Light, White Heat, White Trash - Social Distortion
Unlisted Track 12 is a cover of "Under My Thumb".
Hang Time -- Soul Asylum
Track 13 is listed on the CD itself but not on the CD artwork. So, I won't argue if you think this doesn't count as a hidden track. Nonetheless, "Put the Bone In" is a fun hootenanny singalong laden with triple entendre and a drunk-around-the-campfire charm.
Silver Lining -- Soul Asylum
Track 12 is listed as "Slowly Rising". After that song is complete, we get the unlisted "Fearless Leader" as a bonus. This might be the best song on the album.
It's A Wonderful Life -- Sparklehorse
The last track seems to end at 4:37 but an extra song starts up after three minutes of silence.
Holstein Park -- Starball
This albun has 13 songs listed on the CD label and the CD artwork. Tracks 14 through 21 each consist of about 30 seconds of silence. Track 22 is an extra toon.
Izzy Stradlin and the Ju Ju Hounds
Track 10 seemingly finishes the CD at 3:56 but then a neato little instrumental drums its way in at 4:26.
Incidental Music -- Superchunk
Unlisted track 19 has one minute of silence followed by a robust version of "Precision Auto".
The Songs All Sound the Same -- Supersuckers
At 3:06 of this albun's last track, the band goes into a big rock and roll finish. After about 10 seconds, you're anticipating the drum crash that ends the albun. Instead, the "big finish" drones on and on and on until 36:58.
La Mano Cornuda -- Supersuckers
This albun has 13 songs and a 14th track comprised of the songs from tracks 1 through 13.
Thirteen -- Teenage Fanclub
The CD should be called "Ninieteen".
Manuscripts of Carter John Liebowitz - 13ghosts
Listed track 13 goes 17 minutes, After a few seconds, the greatest extra track ever about immortality starts. Try to not to feel after this one, shitface.
So Much for the City -- Thrills
The last listed song ends at 5:18. At 6:08, we get a dilly of an extra with the great line "everybody's gotta have plans, cause I can't see you smiling pumping gas".
Saturday Night at the Atomic Speedway -- 30 Amp Fuse
This albun has 15 listed songs. The 16th track has a minute of silence and then a reprise of the last sound with some parts of the mix played backward (I think).
...finally -- Too Much Joy
This albun has 12 songs listed on the CD label and the CD artwork. Hold yer durned horses, though. This sucker has a 13th song.
Gods and Sods -- Too Much Joy
This albun has 15 listed songs. However, the 23rd track contains a song called "F#$% Shack" that was written, I think, by LL Cool J.
Dear Science - TV On The Radio
Not sure if this should make the list. The CD jacket lists the following as bonus tracks: "Make Love All Night Long", "Heroic Dose", "Dancing Choose (Prefuse 73 Remix)", and Crying (Telepathe Remix)".
March 16-20, 1992 -- Uncle Tupelo
Song 20 ends, a minute of silence, and then the "Waltons" theme.
No Alternative -- Various Artists
Unlisted track 19 is a Nirvana song called "Verse Chorus Verse".
World of the Zombies -- Various Artists
The lead song on track 13 ends at 4:33. After 20 seconds of silence an extra song kicks in.
Hypno-Punko -- Vindictives
The last track isn't hidden but it contains a good aural prank. Track 16, named "In Pursuit", fades out gracefully after. Track 17 fades in and loops the last 10 seconds of "In Pursuit" for over fourty minutes. In layered rounds, disparate voices sing "see you later alligator", "catch me if you can", "arrivaderci, sayonara, au revoir". A computer-generated voice credited to "Stephen Hawkings" finally ends this track with a matter of fact "bye bye" at 44:36.
Curious Oddities and the Bare Essentials -- Vindictives
The last cut ends at 2:29. After considerable dead air, we hear a hearing loss public service announcement from a college radio broadcast followed by jokes about the PSA by an in-booth group that seems to include Joey and a few other Vindictives. More silence and then at 11:16 the boys return to bag on Eddie Vedder and the one armed drummer from Def Lepppard. After another dose of quiet, there is one more round of horseplay at 16:59.
God Won't Bless America -- Vortis
Unlisted track 13 is an acoustic version of the title track.
Water on Electricity
The last listed track seems to end at 4:28 but, after an extended period of silence, we get an extra melange of music at 20:48.
summerteeth -- Wilco
14 listed songs. Track 15 is blank. More ear-candy on tracks 16 and 17.
Lovesick, Broke and Drifting -- Hank Williams III
After "Atlantic City" -- the last listed song -- ends at 4:43 there's a few seconds of silence. But then at 5:05, a DJ on "real country radio" introduces and plays a reprise of "Walkin' with Sorrow".
Static Transmission -- Steve Wynn and the Miracle 3
"A Fond Farewll", on Track 11, ends at 5:55. At 6:25, the band starts back in with a song that explains "If it was easy, everbody would do it."
Fever to Tell -- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
The last track ends at 3:12. At 4:26, Karen O sings a sleepy song about "Cool Kids" that is vaguely reminiscent of the VU's "Afterhours".
musicforthemorningafter -- Pete Yorn
The last listed song ends at 2:50. After brief silent spell, an extra track about "a girl like you" starts at 4:30.

Cover Songz


Songz about Booze


Elvis Songz


Top 10 Jesus Songz


Las Vegas Songz


Top 10 Iggy Songz


Top Muppet Songz


Top 10 Cowbell Songz


Top 10 Theremin Songz


Clown Songz


Halloween Songz


Other Holiday Songz


Spelling Songz


Instrumental Songz


Answering Machine Messagez

Rock starz like to share their answering machine messagez with us by putting them on CD...


Artist: Mike Watt / Albun: Ball Hog or Tug Boat? / end of track 15
Mike Watt aksed Kathleen Hanna to appear on his celebrity-studded albun. She leaves a crazy three minute tirade on Mike's answering machine that accuses one of the albun's special guests of rape and others of "doing the whole big white boy baby with an ego thing" in this "super fucking yawn white rock boy fucking hall of shame."
Artist: Vindictives / Albun: Hypno-Punko / Track: Mom's Message Pt, I, II and III
A message from Joey Vindictive's mom is broken up and used as tracks 5., 14 and 16. The mesage is as follows: "There's a group of guys out here looking for you Joey. A freaky looking band, group, I guess they are, I don't know who they are. They have a van parked out there. Are you guys awake? Joey, anybody there? Jenny? Joey? Jenny? Anybody there?I don't know what to do with these guys. Do you want them to come up and knock or what?
Artist: Supersuckers / Albun: La Mano Cornuda / Track: Hi Ya!
A shady acquaintence leaves a message on Eddie Spaghetti's answering machine indicating that he'll "be holding" at the next show.
Artist: Supersuckers / Albun: La Mano Cornuda / Track: The Schmooze
Someone aksing for free tickets via Eddie Spaghetti's answering machine is immortalized in "The Schmooze". The recording from the answering machine is sampled and put to music. The caller comes right out and says "I calling to schmooze on you. I'm shamelessly schmoozing."
Artist: Replacements / Albun: Let It Be / Track: Answering Machine
This one does not exactly fit into the stated genre (rock starz sharing answering machine messages) but it has the right title and posits the great rock and roll question "How do you say I luv you to an answering machine?"
Artist: N.I.L.8 / Albun: ...doug / Track: 2
An uppity lumpen leaves the following message: "California update. All hell is breaking loose and we don't give a shit. Punk rock is loose. Ahhghgggghhhhhh!"
Artist: Muffs / Albun: Hamburger / Track: 10
Courtney Love demands the retraction of a comment about a stolen dress in a Muffs interview. It seems Courtney stole the dress, but from a different person than the one mentioned in the article. She vacillates between threatening and friendly several time throughout less than two minute message.
Artist: Muffs / Albun: Hamburger / Track: 1
A fan asks for the Kim to grant "the pain and pleasure" of the next Muffs show.
Artist: M.O.T.O. / Albun: MOTO Verite / Track: 1
A helium-voiced gurl leaves the following answering machine message: "A bit of MOTO verite for you CD lovers"
Artist: M.O.T.O. / Albun: Single File / Track: 10
Gary tries to schmooze a spot on the guest list and ends the message with the following threat: "If you can't that's OK but see if I produce your record."
Artist: M.O.T.O. / Albun: E Pluribus Moto / Track: 21
Paul calls Mike Tomeny, dubs Mike as the "king of kings", and then asks him to call back because he's done kissing his ass.
Artist: Modest Mouse / Albun: Sad Sappy Sucker / Track: 15
A friend indicates that he wants to firm up plans for a trip to Montana but only after singing: "I might be alot of things but I won't be ignored. When I see it coming, the chariots of The Lord..."
Artist: Lynnard's Innards / Albun: Amscray / Track: End of 10
A tough guy in a roid rage frenzy promises to kick the asses of our beloved band. I'm not sure if it's funny or just plain scary.
Artist: Jesus and Mary Chain / Albun: Munki / Track: End of 15
I can't understand what the limey is saying.
Artist: Honcho Overload / Albun: Pour Another Drink / Track: Everyone Smiles
The last track on the albun contains an a cappella song with the following lyrics recorded on an answering machine: "The strangest thing happened to me today. I got a phone call from a guy out in L.A. He said someone died, there's been a vacancy. The world needs a rock star and there's a place for me. Don't have to be a waiter anymore. Don't have to work the record store. Swimming pools and movie stars for me. No more waiting around to soundcheck, play or get paid. From now on all of you will be waiting for me."
Artist: Clown Love / Albun: Highway to Wicker Park / Track: 8
A girl named Hosefina, after hearing Freak intends to set himself on fire, leaves a message asking for the honor of lighting the match.

 


Artist: Bare Jr. / Albun: Boo-Tay / Tracks 12 and 37
At the end of track 12 someone calls Bobby to complain "I don't have my keys and you do." Track 37 features an answering machine message for some chump being dumped hard by an extremely pissed off ex-girlfriend.

 


Ripoffz

Robber Robbed
Ponys - Fall Inn Crystals - Then He Kissed Me
Weak - Too Much Joy Switchin' to Glide - Kings
Hare Krishna - Husker Du I Want Candy - Strangeloves
Catch Me Now I'm Falling - Kinks Jumpin' Jack Flash - Rolling Stones
There She Goes Again - Velvet Underground Hitch Hike - Marvin Gaye
My Sweet Lord - George Harrison He's So Fine - Chiffons
Any Wesley Willis song Any other Wesley Willis song
Banana Splits Theme Buffalo Soldier - Bob Marley & the Wailers

 


Linkz to the best muzak pagez

All Music Guide: Best place to read about rock music

The Crutch:Zine and MP3s

Epitonic: MP3s

concertlivewire

Addicted to Noise

Drag City Records

Perfect Sound Forever's Music Picks

Kiss this Guy

Song Lists By Topic

Canonical List of Weird Band Names

The Hall of Douchebags



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